It is 11:40pm on Wednsday night. I feel like there is going to be an earthquake tonight, or sometime soon. I just wanted to put it on record. G’night.

First, get up and go see this movie, then come back and read this review.

If not take a deep breath and read this fast and as crazy as possible.

CRANK RECIPE:
1 BUMPS
1 MAD EX
2 VODKA RED BULLS
1 CAST OF JACK ASS IN THE BAR
2 SEATS CENTER ROW
2 STEVEN SEAGAL POWER DRINKS
2 HANSEN ENERGY DRINKS
1 REGULAR POP CORN
1 HUGE FUCKING BAG OF PLAIN M&MS
NO BATHROOM BREAKS

This review will have NO periods if a period was used it would kill the review Atari hearts will beat with sonic sound will beat your ears while you wake up naked in a room best movie this summer with a dvd that says fuck you on it then a mexican will be bald and tell james bond style that you that you are now crazy and you are going to die with chinese Metal Health - Quiet Riot shit in your blood and you will lose your shit you will go kill people drink Rock-Star energy drink and eat Doritos and hail taxis go run around in a medical gown call your girl friend who drives a yellow rabbit who won’t by a cell phone and fuck her New Noise - Refused in front of young girls while cutting off hands of faggots Bring Us Bullets - Rocket from the Crypt and using VOTE for pedro as a human shield while he dances for tacos across the street from a horny pigeon who likes girls asses Trix Are For Kids - The Crowd tits tits boobies going 80 road head dwight yokham has a dent in his forehead I Kill People girls in bubbles best movie this summer chinese men with gun like your raging hard ons that are magnum size Kill All the White Man - NOFX go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie then electrocute yourself and stand on your motorcycle naked and run to American Apparel and eat your girls friends birth control and throw people off buildings be sure that Pedro can go to Club BANG in Hollywood and pay full price and dance on the boxes and show his belly with pride live downtown go to beverly hill beat some black ass and sniff coke off the ground AMY SMART is the best actress ever and now I will watch SMITH on CBS soon best movie this summer and fly really high super high above Los Angeles the guy from always sunny in philadelphia will give you epinephrin and use your cell phone and put your cell phone in your socks and use freeze frames and cut peoples in two go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie go see this movie best movie this summer i can’t say anymore great things about this movie my heart will explode just as it almost did when i was taking a pee after the movie and some dude tried to talk about the movie with me and said it was the fucking best movie he has ever seen and wanted to see it again all this was said while pee was coming out his dick bumps and I had to run away and run away fast I drove home fast. DEAD.
5 madex’s out of 5

Would Teddy hump him out? YES

Yesterday Apple released a slew of new iPod and iTunes related goodies — enough to make my head spin. On the iPod side, there’s bigger, cheaper iPods, a bevy of fresh nanos, and a completely redesigned shuffle. On the iTunes side there’s a sharp redesign, a brilliantly easy to use Download Manager and Summary Display, and what everybody’s been waiting for: Movies. But, the real jewel in the crown is the crazy-go-nuts games they released. Games released include Tetris (TETRIS!), Pac-Man (PAC-FUCKIN-MAN, MAN!), Vortex, Cubis, Zuma, Mahjong, Bejeweled, Mini Golf, and Mother Fuckin’ TEXAS HOLD’EM. Yeah, they’re $5 a pop, and yesterday I downloaded Texas Hold’em. Can I get a Wha-wha?! This game is a cream dream. Within hours of downloading the game yesterday I drained my entire battery. No, that’s not a metaphor, but at this point Apple might as well make a pocket pussy as they’re achieving the same results.

I am now on file.

Walt Disney was part of Alweg Monorail company, back when Disney helped develope the monorail system at the original Disneyland. In 1963 he along with Alweg offered the monorail system to Los Angeles for FREE to ease their growing traffic concerns. They city turned it down, and now over 40 years later, we are shit deep in traffic poo. Ray Bradbury wrote about it back in Febuary in an LA TIMES ARTICLE. Everyday I think about how rad it would be to glide over this huge city that has trapped everyone inside.

Till then, I’ll just keep to my bike.

Chaos Tower!   I need it. I just picture this being under the Xmas tree and the hours and hours I will spend setting it up to trigger it to make my breakfast, feed my dog and water the lawn. I can’t wait for this, who needs a personal robot? I just want a huge mouse trap.

Today, I rememebered that I still had a friendster account. I went to check the dust on that profile. I hadn’t logged on in months, looked around, I was confused as hell on how to use it. Looked at my friends, no one had logged on in years. Saw that creepy addition with, “who is looking at your profile”. I think that is another reason that shit sucks, let people stock in peace. Shit, if people know who you are scoping out, they are likley not going to troll and find people. So I took an ax to the whole site. 2003 seems so fucking long ago, but it is farely recent, that is when freindster hit the scene, and then got slower and slower and slower and then Tom busted his hot beef in frienster’s ass and stole the masses. I lay low on myspace, but now, I am off friendster for good.

A better idea would be to start using Friendster again, since Myspace is FOXSPACE now. But, eh.

http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/004457.html

“Can she blow smoke rings out her cunt?” - Diane Lane as Toni Mannix

Hollywoodland is a film about the late George Reeves (Ben Affleck) who played the original Superman on TV serials who had a slight, very slight mystery around his death. SLIGHT!!! The film follows Adrien Brody, who for my nickel is a douche bag with pencil legs, who is a low life detective who is hired to investigate the SLIGHT!!! mystery around his death. We learn that Diane Lane is still hot, and acts like a mom on Milfhunter.com who is married to the powerful Eddie Mannix (Bob Hoskins), the head of MGM.

The film has a really great pace, I speak about pace because so many films these days cater to the A.D.D. youth of america. I will tell you I have no pacience for slow shit, I have A.D.D. for god sakes, but the film seemed to flow as it unfolds the many possiblities of the SLIGHT mystery surrounding George Reeves. The convention in which it tells the story is a little lame, it is a tease, and by the end, pretty much falls apart.

The true marvel is that Ben Affleck was astounding in this film. He really supprised me with this role, you forgot for a moment it was hacked up “Benifer” up there. But while walking to the truck after the film Josh reminded me that, “Of course he did a great job, it is where he is at in carear” . Which is true, much like George Reeves, Ben Afflecks career is in the toilet, he only got where he was because of luck in the begining, then got an oscar for something he never did, no way he wrote that film, and then got everything he had from the woman he dated, and now he can’t get work, people laugh when they see him in tights. This film should be retitled, “Someone keep an eye on Ben Affleck.”

Questions I have: Now that Both men who played Superman are Cursed with a horrible death, why would anyone walk into those shoes? Or is it just the last name Reeves?

Next week the Black Dahlia is coming out, and Brian De Palma will wipe its classy ass with this Hollywoodland rag.

Would I recommend it? Sure
Would I see it again? Never
What should you look out for? A tan 80 year old dude, doing curls in a speedo.

3 madex’s out of 5.