The Des Moines Register… slow news day?

The assault weapons listed on the Des Moines police report was a bag of Cheetos.

Patrick Hamman, 22, of 4904 S.W. 13th St., was arrested Sunday on a charge of domestic assault. Officers explained that the victim of the snack attack, Michael Hamman, lives with his adult son, Patrick and that they became involved in an argument Sunday night.

Patrick Hammon picked up a bag of Cheetos and threw it at his father, hitting him in the face, police said. It hit him in the glasses, causing a cut to the bridge of Michael Hamman’s nose.

The police report said: “Michael’s T-shirt was also covered in Cheeto dust.”

Patrick admitted being high on methamphetamine, police said. He was taken to the Polk County Jail without further incident.

full story

The other day I’m driving on 2nd street in Naples here in Long Beach. I stop at the red light and rest my head on the head rest in my car while looking at the car behind me. There is a guy in a Mercedes with a shitty goatee waiting behind me. As I’m watching him I notice he starts to pick his nose. He really is going at it, like as if he was Douglas Quaid in the movie Total Recall pulling the tracking device out of his nose. Now, I think that is totally cool and I cant judge b/c I have cleaned a few “bats out of the cave” in my day. However, the next part is where I have a problem.

Once he has this gem of a booger on his index finger he looks at it then eats it as if it was a savory morsel that he couln’t waste. At this time I (alone in my car) began yelling and screaming “he ate it!!! he ate the booger!!!”.

I’m totally disgusted by this and the image of this guy eating green gold has been burned into my brain. But it got me thinking. Is this more common then I think? I know little kids and baby’s eat them but that is b/c they don’t know better. Do grown adults eat boogers?

P.S. I’m adding this to the “something I ate” category.

How could Liz Lemon let this happen?

NBC Universal is leaving itunes for Amazon’s Unbox.

“Yes, Unbox videos can be viewed on Windows machines, but they don’t play on iMacs, appleTV, iPods, or iPhones.”

This sucks cause I downloaded all the 30 rocks last season and watch it on my mac, appleTV, and iphone.

WEAK.

Link 

That my roommate, Badger pants, hit two deer within 2 weeks of each other. One in the mid-west on a highway, and the other in Los Angeles.

I myself have never hit a deer, but the chances of that happening twice in a lifetime is crazy and in Los Angeles no less.

The deer may have seen his penis through his tight pants and stopped to stare and then got struck and killed.

Tight and dry just popped into my office and complained about having to use the bathroom upstairs all day. She said that when it gets hot she gets “the diarrhea blues”

Help me Jesus, Pontius Pilot and all of the Apostles.

I would also like to report another nuisance. One smooth operator who will remain anonymous due to the fact that he seems to infiltrate my office with out a sound or even displacement of air (He could be behind me right now) has once again told me that his wife is out of town for the weekend. This is maybe the 3^rd or 4^th time that he has shared this news. He honks his horn at me in the parking lot and subsequently leers and waves, he calls me Miss Thang’. He asks me when we can go to lunch together in that, “I could be kidding, unless your into it” kind of way. I wish that I could fart on cue.

Frankincense and Myrrh and the three damn wise men

Update – The man (presumably) that has been pissing the corner of the men’s bathroom has ceased to do so since the bathroom has been demolished. I think he’ll start back up again when they retile therefore providing him with a new canvas. I have my guesses as to who this dude is:

- The Miltonesque (Office Space) middle aged coke bottle glasses wearing professional sweater (glandular not cardigan) who’s sole job is to sort the mail. Once I got to the mail before him by accident and I thought he was going to cry.

- The dude who left me a love note on my car “don’t tell nobody” he wrote. Well, according to the double negative in that sentence, I have done my duty.

- The trash digger. He eats out of the trash, why shouldn’t he pee in an inappropriate place?

I found a site that tells you the #1 hit the day/year you were born in the US, UK and Australia.

My #1’s are Janis Joplin “Me and Bobby McGee,” (US) T.Rex “Hot Love,” (UK) and Tony Orlando and Dawn “Knock Three Times.” (Aussie). Hell Yeah…I love all three!

What are yours…are they some of your fav’s?

#1 Hit - http://www.thisdayinmusic.com

Knock Three Times - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fp_pqqjKpk