I’m noticing a trend when I go out and I don’t like it. It’s rude, obnoxious, and disrespectful. This trend I’m speaking of is the lack of discipline parents give there children in public.

Tonight I was eating dinner w/ my wife and her family at Dominicos on 2nd St. in Long Beach. When the table behind me let their 3 shit monster children run wild ALL OVER the place. Screaming, running and throwing a checker board game on the ground with the pieces bouncing all over the place TWICE! Now, I have a very short tolerance as it is and since I was w/ the in-laws I didn’t want to speak up and say anything; considering the last time I did this it ended up with the parents ignoring me and the kid farting really loud next to me.

I guess what I’m wondering is: Is this something that bothers anyone else? Why doesn’t anyone say anything?

If you a parent and your reading this, I found some sites that have parenting tips you may want to read. Otherwise the alternative is shipping them all off to the mine in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the the children work all day digging up gems.

Parenting in Public
Discipline children in public
Behaving in public

But remember spanking hurts!

Flashback

Happy Anniversary Moxxxie.

I just got in from lunch and found this text message from Ben. Some of you might not know Ben, but if you do, read it in his voice.
“Want to beat off at peres projects in chinatown on tape for Dash Snow? On Wednesday night…It’s gonna be an arty party, and I think he might pay cash money, too.”

I write back…”What the fuck?”

Ben Responds, “He’s a famous artist! He does these sperm paintings, and he needs sperm. Its the least creepy way you could ever beat off for money! I think he just wants the money shot, your penis and body don’t have to be in the video”

I write back…”Are you doing this or something?”

Ben Responds, “Hell yeah” It’s a bonafide show stopper. “what do you do?” “oh I jerk off on tape for m oney and drugs.” I think I’m going to wear my running gear.

I write back….”I think i’ll have to pass, but thanks for thinking of me, its means a lot.”

Saturday, October 13th - Bowling Party @ The Cal Bowl
(2500 E Carson St. Lakewood, CA 90712)

Interview Gone Very Bad

Things have been a little slow here in sub-human land. Trash Digger is quitting. I’ll get him a going away cake and throw it in the trash immediately.

I thought that in light of my present situation I will share stories of my home life from which I am vacating immediately.

Things I have found in the bathroom:

1. Underwear in the sink, crotch facing up. I had to brush my teeth in the bath tub.
2. Rolled up maxi pad on the floor next to the toilet, far from the trash can.
3. Poop in the bath tub. Forensic knowledge that I have obtained from Crime shows tell me that the poopetrater let go from a standing position, legs slightly apart, ate corn, and didn’t bother to clean up. My bet is that they didn’t even wipe.
4. MY UNDERWEAR on the floor of the bathroom in the take off position. Sopping wet. My Dad’s girl friends daughter let her friend borrow a pair of MY underwear. You are all my friends YOU will not borrow my underwear. Insane.
5. A half eaten fruit roll-up stuck to a hair brush in the drawer.
6. A jar of peanut butter next to the bathtub Gummo style. Bath Snacks are not okay.

Things that I have put my hand in on the couch:

1. Wrappers from all kinds of food items. The worst of which was one of those Sesame Bars stuck to some hair. The funniest of which was a hand written diet plan that had jelly on it.
2. Cigarette ashes.
3. Some skuzzy beanie hat that belonged to no one I knew. It stank like hippie.
4. A push-pop.

There is so much more to this story. Time will allow me to unblock these memories for you all to enjoy.

Name: Tara
Age: 29
weight: 124
height: 5′7
Location: Los Angeles

Why: why not?

Goal: To actually have an ass for once in my life. No bumps or wrinkles in my legs. Tighter stomach.

Actions to get me there:
I will start a gym schedule of 3 + times a week.
I will ride my bike to work (Santa Monica) twice a month.
I will ride my bike as often as I can around my community
I will smoke little to no weed
I will eat less sugar (I will most likely not do this)
I will not eat fast food
I will jump on my trampoline 3 times a week
I will be the best version of me that I can be

Name: Carole

Age: 27

Weight: Shameful

Location: To be determined

Why: I would like to fit into my favorite pair of pants. I can get ‘em up but I can’t zip ‘em. Also, the fatter I get the more I look like my crazy Aunt Mary who lives in a school bus in Northern Cal. She thinks that her two ferrets are slimming. This is not the case.

Diet/Workout Plan: I will eat only fruit, vegetables and whole grains. I will run everyday. I will do sit-ups with reckless abandon while you are talking to me, I am still listening. I will lift weights. I will crush a coke can between my butt cheeks.

1. I gave up soda and fake sugar 3 weeks ago. I will continue on this path. Soda is the devil in an enticingly cold Styrofoam cup with crushed ice. I will also, incidentally give up Styrofoam.
2. I will give up sugar entirely. No more spoonfuls of butter and sugar in the middle of the night. I will give up butter.
3. I will run away from my ass every day. Hopefully more than once. Sometimes I check my behind when I run to see if I’ve lost it around some corner. My butt is too cunning.
4. I will move all of my life’s possessions to a new location.
5. I will butt clench in my chair at work.

I will let you know as to my progress.

Name: Bumps

Age: 27 years, 1 month, 13 days

Weight: 118 (thanks diahreahha! my orig weigh in weight was 120)

Location: Geriatric Aids Dorm

Why: Because 2 years ago I got mono and lost 20 lbs. I want to taste that sweet sweet victory again.

Goal: I would like to wear shorts and not look 90 from the waist down. I would also like to have a torso that does not resemble a bag of sand.

Diet/workout: Move as much as possible. Eat as healthily as possible.

Things I will do:
Eat:
5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day
lean protein
occasional pizza
Drink: Tons of water.
work out: walk to gym (rt 2 miles) run 2 miles at gym
weights with yoga every other day
sitting on a balance ball at work instead of office chair
Wii
Tennis
hiking runyan canyon (when its not so fucking hot).
Ridding bike more.

I look forward to looking good enough to be slutty Abraham Lincoln for Halloween.

Over The week all participants will roll out our Before pictures and state our goals and our methods of achieving those goals. We will only post our beginning weight at the end of the challenge, no need for our shame to be posted for the world to see. (Everyone feel free to make your own Blog entry post and I’ll put your picture up for you. Those who missed the last supper, please provide your own photo)

Name: Mad Ex

Age: 28

Weight: Just shy of a Duce!!!
Location: Los Angeles

Why: I’m Single. I want to look good naked.

Goal: To lose weight, and gain muscle mass. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I turn 30.
Diet/WORK OUT PLAN: My work out plan is random and will change everyday, I don’t have the patience to do the same shit everyday. I will eat better and move a lot more.

These are the things I will do:

1. Vegan Diet for the most part.

2. Play the Wii Fitness everyday

3. Run 2 miles in the morning: mon, wed, fri

4. Ride my bike to work: mon, wed, fri

5. Do 100 sit ups, and 50 push ups a night

6. Lift weights: mon, wed, fri

7. Run 3 staircases in the morning: tues, thurs

8. Ride my bike 20 Miles: thurs

9. Cut all booze. Cut all energy drinks. Cut string cheese.

10. Swim laps. tues, thurs, sat.

11. Fuck everything in site.

I look forward to transforming for you.