On accidental terms Patbenetard and I have found that XXX VITAMIN WATER and MEXICAN COKE are extremely delicious when consumed at the same time.

XXX Vitamin water is blueberries and pomegranate and Mexican Coke is made from real sugar cane and is 100% better then coke that we know here in America.

We discovered this while both drinking opposite drinks and switching, to which both our eyes had lit up like xmas morning.
While I know that both of these products are brought to you by the Coca Cola Company® (EVIL) at large. But, I beg you to rinse your mouth with both these products and tell me they aren’t the best thing to rot your teeth since snow cones. Which brings me to the next level of Delicious. (more…)

Dear ask a bumps,

I am being laid off my job soon due to the WGA writers strike, I was
wondering if you have any new career Ideas for me, or what I should do
with my time off. I’ve been taking long baths and stopped eating cake.

Thanks, Madex

Dear Madex:

Well, my standard advice would have been what we once overheard a psychic tell a fat lady: “take a bubble bath and stop eating cake”. Since you already tried to fix the problem this way, I will give you advice I learned from another psychic. While watching John Edwards this weekend I saw him do something truly amazing. When he would make a “psychic prediction” and the Psych-ee would tell him he was wrong, Edwards would repeat what he had just said and the psych-ee would without fail, agree with him. John Edwards used the Jedi mind trick to make white people believe rediculous bologna. Since you are so high up on your careers food chain, I recommend doing the same. White people will believe anything and you must use this to your advantage. When whoever you get word from tells you that you have been laid off, look them in the eye and say “no I haven’t”. It might also help to immediately tell them that thier grandpa who died of cancer is having trouble “finding the light” and they need to help him find it.
If that doesn’t work, here are some alternate career options:

waiter - Saddle Ranch Sunset blvd. So you don’t eat chapstick, but Im confident you would clean up in tips off midwestern milfs.

Get Sponsored - Lie to people and tell them you are running a marathon to cure breast cancer and you need sponsors. Then use the donations to pay your mortgage and make everyone who comes over do a self breast exam.

Inheritance - make friends with someone about to die. Convince them that everyone in the world is against them except you. Make sure they are going to die right around your lay off point. Inherit everything!

or

as I have offered in the past, go stay with my parents. They will feed you and tell you how grate you are and you can swim all day in thier rediculously big pool while caring for an ailing rat dog.

send your questions to askabumps@gmail.com