I never thought I would see the day when I would find a Skullphone hand blown Christmas ornament with glitter. This actually might look good on my fake white tinsel tree. If you dont fancy gold with glitter you can also get silver, gold and all silver glitter. Each cost $32.00 and are 4″ tall. Christmas is gunna be awesome this year.

Skullphone store 

Dear ask a bumps,

What advice to you have to give an alcoholic female that everyone
knows has a problem and won’t seek treatment for herself.

Drunk Vagina.

Dear Drunk Vagina:

Askabumps@gmail.com doesn’t believe in alcoholism. Its like unicorns and Richard Nixon, you really want it to be real because it would be a super easy thing to blame your problems on, but they aren’t and you have no one to blame but yourself. Several weeks ago I was having a recurring dream that I was hanging out with Lindsy Lohan and she was yelling at me that I wasn’t partying well enough. I couldn’t figure out what the hell it means but I think it applies in this situation. If you have a problem with alcohol you aren’t partying well enough. You have a partying disorder. Since askabumps@gmail.com doesn’t believe in partying too much either, this would be classified as not partying appropriately. If you are partying so much that you are cutting the crotch out of your spanx and female ejaculating on a strangers couch, then you need to do some soul searching. If you are the friend of an inappropriate partier, the best thing you can do is get a video camera and tape her for a whole night of drinking and then show it to her when she’s sober. If it doesn’t work, abandon all hope, change your number and float her viking funeral pire out to sea and shoot a fire-y arrrow at what was once your friendship. You can’t fix everybody but chances are she’ll stumble on someone who can. or ejaculate on them.

Past Askabumps posts 

This past weekend I threw a party for one of my best friends Julie, celebrating her for being awesome and to celebrate her new career move. Juliepalooza was to be epic and full of love an honor, and it was, UNTIL…………..

Some uninvited bitch that looked like Chris Farely showed up and started to wreck havoc. She pulled up her skirt and Gushed on my couch, I mean full white female ejaculation, not pee!, ruining my couch cushion, she dove into my television set almost knocking it off its stand, laid on my baby avocado tree breaking it and broke a slat off my fence I built this summer. Basically, she was a horrible addition to the party. This picture if of her on the floor displaying her crotchless Spanx.
Julie wrote in an open Bulletin post on myspace the next day:

I can not express how grateful I am for all of my glorious friends who took it upon themselves to come out and support me. First off, THANK YOU to Mad Ex for opening his house to me and throwing me an awesome party. How lucky am I to have friends who will go through so much effort to throw a “palooza” for me when it isn’t even my birthday? Are you kidding me? Thank you to Tara for contributing so much to the evening. From the 9to5 room, THE MUPPET MOVIE playing in the backyard theater, the gourmet cupcakes, and the million photos that each have a certain memory attached, I couldn’t ask for better friends. I almost forgot to mention the Pinata… I beat the shit out of that… about four years worth of anger I’d say. You really went all-out and I appreciate it so much.

XOXOXOXOXOXOOX
Julie
Dear the girl from last night,

Last night, my wonderful friends went through great effort to throw me a party. It wasn’t my birthday, it was to honor and celebrate my recent accomplishments and mark a huge turning point in my life. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, because you don’t know me. You came with a friend of a friend. It happens — although I tried to make sure whoever came to me great friend’s house would respect it.
The first I heard of you was when the co-host asked me “Do you know who the girl in the polka-dot dress? She is showing everyone her vagina and I seriously think she just came on the couch?”
I really thought she was joking.
Unfortunately, she was not.
Sweetheart, you were beaver-shotting the party in your crotch-less Spanxs. There are plenty of photos to prove it. They are not cute.
Then you took the flowers that my friends brought me and smashed your mug in them and destroyed them. They were a gift. They were something to show appreciation to me and you ruined them.
My friend’s and I decided that we would let you hang out and chill out and not kick you out of the party, but you continued to be a wrecking ball.
The rest of my party became about getting you the fuck out. We called you a cab. You wouldn’t get in. Eventually, someone took you home.
Now, what was supposed to be a significantly special night for me, is tarnished by you and your nasty ass snatch that no one wanted to see in the first place. Your behavior was embarrassing to me, my guests, my hosts and most of all yourself. It was atrocious.
I woke up this morning, not reflecting on how wonderful and amazing the party was, but how you ruined it. I am angry for it.
Please find some self-respect. Find yourself a rehab. And find yourself some dignity.
I hope you are ashamed of yourself.

Aftermath:

The friends of this beast have since called to apologize, which was nice and was well received, her friends are nice guys, and the Chris Farely Girl has apologized to Julie, for these reasons I painted out her dripping wet vagina. No one deserves their pussy on the internet, but shit girl, don’t ever cum on my couch again and don’t ever disrespect Julie and my house again. Please get help.

In case you haven’t read my first post, I have a skunk problem.

On Sunday I thought I would try one more time to bury the skunk hole in my yard in hopes for Mr. Skunk to leave. You can see the EXTRA bricks I placed in the first hole (top). After he realized he couldn’t move the bricks he then moved down to an easier brickless area (bottom).

I think my only other option is to trap him and let him go in the City of Hawaiian Garden on the other side of the 605.