Dear ask a bumps,

What advice to you have to give an alcoholic female that everyone
knows has a problem and won’t seek treatment for herself.

Drunk Vagina.

Dear Drunk Vagina:

Askabumps@gmail.com doesn’t believe in alcoholism. Its like unicorns and Richard Nixon, you really want it to be real because it would be a super easy thing to blame your problems on, but they aren’t and you have no one to blame but yourself. Several weeks ago I was having a recurring dream that I was hanging out with Lindsy Lohan and she was yelling at me that I wasn’t partying well enough. I couldn’t figure out what the hell it means but I think it applies in this situation. If you have a problem with alcohol you aren’t partying well enough. You have a partying disorder. Since askabumps@gmail.com doesn’t believe in partying too much either, this would be classified as not partying appropriately. If you are partying so much that you are cutting the crotch out of your spanx and female ejaculating on a strangers couch, then you need to do some soul searching. If you are the friend of an inappropriate partier, the best thing you can do is get a video camera and tape her for a whole night of drinking and then show it to her when she’s sober. If it doesn’t work, abandon all hope, change your number and float her viking funeral pire out to sea and shoot a fire-y arrrow at what was once your friendship. You can’t fix everybody but chances are she’ll stumble on someone who can. or ejaculate on them.

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