Spanx for the Memories.
This past weekend I threw a party for one of my best friends Julie, celebrating her for being awesome and to celebrate her new career move. Juliepalooza was to be epic and full of love an honor, and it was, UNTIL…………..
Some uninvited bitch that looked like Chris Farely showed up and started to wreck havoc. She pulled up her skirt and Gushed on my couch, I mean full white female ejaculation, not pee!, ruining my couch cushion, she dove into my television set almost knocking it off its stand, laid on my baby avocado tree breaking it and broke a slat off my fence I built this summer. Basically, she was a horrible addition to the party. This picture if of her on the floor displaying her crotchless Spanx.
Julie wrote in an open Bulletin post on myspace the next day:
I can not express how grateful I am for all of my glorious friends who took it upon themselves to come out and support me. First off, THANK YOU to Mad Ex for opening his house to me and throwing me an awesome party. How lucky am I to have friends who will go through so much effort to throw a “palooza†for me when it isn’t even my birthday? Are you kidding me? Thank you to Tara for contributing so much to the evening. From the 9to5 room, THE MUPPET MOVIE playing in the backyard theater, the gourmet cupcakes, and the million photos that each have a certain memory attached, I couldn’t ask for better friends. I almost forgot to mention the Pinata… I beat the shit out of that… about four years worth of anger I’d say. You really went all-out and I appreciate it so much.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
I love you all.
Onwards and upwards.
XOXOXOXOXOXOOX
Julie
Dear the girl from last night,
Last night, my wonderful friends went through great effort to throw me a party. It wasn’t my birthday, it was to honor and celebrate my recent accomplishments and mark a huge turning point in my life. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, because you don’t know me. You came with a friend of a friend. It happens — although I tried to make sure whoever came to me great friend’s house would respect it.
The first I heard of you was when the co-host asked me “Do you know who the girl in the polka-dot dress? She is showing everyone her vagina and I seriously think she just came on the couch?â€
I really thought she was joking.
Unfortunately, she was not.
Sweetheart, you were beaver-shotting the party in your crotch-less Spanxs. There are plenty of photos to prove it. They are not cute.
Then you took the flowers that my friends brought me and smashed your mug in them and destroyed them. They were a gift. They were something to show appreciation to me and you ruined them.
My friend’s and I decided that we would let you hang out and chill out and not kick you out of the party, but you continued to be a wrecking ball.
The rest of my party became about getting you the fuck out. We called you a cab. You wouldn’t get in. Eventually, someone took you home.
Now, what was supposed to be a significantly special night for me, is tarnished by you and your nasty ass snatch that no one wanted to see in the first place. Your behavior was embarrassing to me, my guests, my hosts and most of all yourself. It was atrocious.
I woke up this morning, not reflecting on how wonderful and amazing the party was, but how you ruined it. I am angry for it.
Please find some self-respect. Find yourself a rehab. And find yourself some dignity.
I hope you are ashamed of yourself.
Aftermath:
The friends of this beast have since called to apologize, which was nice and was well received, her friends are nice guys, and the Chris Farely Girl has apologized to Julie, for these reasons I painted out her dripping wet vagina. No one deserves their pussy on the internet, but shit girl, don’t ever cum on my couch again and don’t ever disrespect Julie and my house again. Please get help.
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Ahhhhhhhhh! It never happened.
I was told by a few people to look between my couch cushions to see if she left a baby, and This is what i found.
LAY OFF ME I’M STARVING
too bad big rib already found the ogre from shrek to marry.
maybe if it doesn’t work out with her and the whole “punpkin king” thing (his hand built american chopper) we can hook him up with this lady.
do you have her number?
No joke.. she looks like she might have down syndrome.
This is what I miss by leaving the party at 1:30am. How does this happen at our age? Where is Al?
I guess when you get older the problems of spontaneous female ejaculation at a strangers home becomes rampant.
i wouldn’t have been so nice to her.
http://www.scroogeyourself.com/?id=9567261285
it was beer not cum
She shot beer out her pussy?
wow. the only thing more impressive than lady juice
not many things keep me up at night… but the image of Miss. Chris Farley leaving snail tracks on Madex’s couch and floor makes me want to vomit on myself.
There is not enough soap in the world to wash the the above image out of my brain.
(insert barfing emoticon here) -
[...] I think this is Vagina Milk’s brother, inappropriate behavior runs in the family. .diggthisplugin { float: right; width: 40px; padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; } digg_url = ‘http://whateves.com/?p=1925′; digg_bgcolor = “#ffffff”; digg_skin = “compact”; .diggthisplugin { float: right; width: 115px; padding-left: 20px; height: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;} [...]
[...] This years holiday party wasn’t without an explosion of joy. [...]
[...]  Papa Farley Mama Farley  [...]
I’m always amazed when people serve alcohol and they’re surprised when someone gets out of hand. And another thing, quit being passive-aggressive. If you don’t want somebody there, throw them out. Your apartment, your rules, grow balls.
With that said, I love your site and I read it regularly
You can’t remove 300lbs of mess from your apartment, we tried. You also can’t shove 300lbs of mess into a cab, we tried.
funny story, but the image has been removed. Would be great to see it…
The image is still there. I can see it. and I’ll never get it out of my mind.
I wish that picture could be the whateves logo. we could print them on flags and hang them on the Thursday night bike rides.
we don’t want to cause the city of los angeles to barf on our streets. They are bad enough.