Aunt Bea watched my daughter last night
Observant Whateves readers may know that I have recently moved back to The South. Home of donks, boxes, bubbles, sweet tea, cornbread, spittin’, whoopin’ and a-hollerin’. Its also home to old Southern women who trick me because they sound hot on the phone, like a sexy 21 year old girl, and then look like they should be knitting me a sweater and making cookies when the come up to watch my daughter for the first time.
See, here’s the thing. I have never, ever, ever have had a hot babysitter for Ava. I know its wrong for me to WANT one, but that’s the American way, we always want what we shouldn’t have. I watched Adventures In Baby Sitting when I was in middle school. Elizbeth Shue was HOT. I thought, “When I have kids, they will have hot younger women to watch over them that I can leer at anytime I want†WRONG. Last night Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith Show came over to watch the little bird. At least I was 99% positive she didn’t chat on Facebook all night, eat all my food and have some high-school ass over and make out on my couch. Maybe she did. Old people are smart, they can trick you. You think they have Alzheimer’s and then they steal your Visa card, fly to Tahoe and blow $18k. Man… All this time grandma had me fooled…
But Elizabeth Shue will steal your wagon and drag the children to downtown Hotlanta to help a distressed friend. Next thing you know, Ava will be pal-ing around with a “super hero” (read: male stripper) code named Thor and causing all sorts of trouble with the underworld’s classiest characters. Better to have a granny. She may be crazy, eat all your Jello and inadvertently nod off and burn the house down trying to cook dinner during a riveting rerun of Patty Duke but she won’t get you caught up with male strippers. I mean do you really want everything smelling like Axe Body Spray..just saying.
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