I came back from lunch today and this was in my in box. The email that sent it: Dane Field evc@breastology.com. Brestology? Is that kinda like psychology for the breast?

Hi
My Name is Kinsey
I’m 23 years old
I read your profile online and I was intrested in getting to know you better
Reply to me and tell me about yourself if you want to chat
I will send a pic and some of my info right away
email me at Karley@EngineRide.info , that will be sent to me directly
Thank you

Has anyone received any good spam lately?

Dear Askabumps@gmail.com,

I am 27. I feel old. I can’t stay up late without being cranky the next day. I like to go to bed at 8:30pm when possible. I have to check the 25 and older box when surveyed. I catch myself thinking and saying under my breath, “Damn Kids”. I drive poorly at night without glasses. I have too many gray hairs, and I find myself wearing nylons more often than not. Despite this slew of “old” activities that I have been reduced to, I shop in the Junior’s section of my local Department Store. I cannot see myself in the Women’s section for another 15 years or so.

How old is too old to shop at Forever 21 and in the Junior’s Section,

Please advise,

The Orthopedic Goddess

Dear Orthopedic Goddess:

This querrie hit home hard for Askabumps@gmail.com who has been having some serious identity problems in the aging department. I too love being old but am afraid of seeming old. I’ve been pondering this one for about a week and the answer hit me this morning while reading an article about one of those hot lady teachers who got down with a student who was arrested again for inappropriate underage relations. The following mugshot is the beginning to the answer to your question…observe:

The above image scared me straight off not being able to “dress my age”. The answer to how old is too old is the following: If you were to be arrested right now for being a hot lady teacher banging an underage student, would what you are wearing make your mugshot creepy/mentally handicapped? If the answer to this is yes, burn what you are wearing. After seeing this, I will never wear anything “cute” again. No more Hello Kitty T-shirts, no more XL clothes from the kids section. Its over and I am more than okay with that. That said. You have a juniors size body. Be thankful and use forever 21 and the juniors section to dress in an age and size appropriate manner. Askabumps@gmail.com has never seen you dress inappropriately for your age or size so I guess the answer is when you are too old to fit into the clothes you are too old to wear them. Until then, dress for your mugshot.

Bumps

Past Ask a bumps 

Dear Ask A Bumps:
My boss just totally walked in on me while I was shitting. I was in deep thought about this project I am working on right now and
I saw the bathroom stall door creeping open, I remember thinking to myself “wake the fuck up, this is a bad dream”, the stall is very large it’s very private and popular stall to do your business, I would’ve had to get up and take a few steps to reach the door to grab it shut, but I had to sit and wait to see my boss’s head poke in. We caught eyes “What the fuck! - I thought, I was sure I locked the door, I’m such a paranoid pooper, I couldn’t have forgot. Then we both stared at each other for a split second, like we had both just done something really really bad. All that came out of my mouth was - uhhh!? He backed out, then politely shut the door and apologized - then he followed by saying “lock that door”. I wanted to reply “don’t tell me what to do, you lock the door!”, but all I could do was giggle it off and get up to turn the latch to prevent any other poo perpetrators from interrupting. this all just happened on the day I was going to talk to him about getting a promotion to an Art Director, Now I feel I can’t face him for another year. I don’t think the bathroom was a good place or time for that talk. Do I go to HR and ask for a the promotion in regards to being poo harassed? What do I do about confronting the fear of the bathroom run in?

anonymous pooper

Dear Anonymous Pooper:

There has never been a finer time to ask for the promotion. You sit in the power seat so to speak. There is no reason to be embarrassed because you were sitting there minding your own private business. Your boss will be uncomfortable and if you take the opportunity to act like nothing is wrong, he will feel so awkward that he wont be able to say no. Look him in the eye and ask for the promotion. If he says no, maintain eye contact and slowly say “Is this because of what happened in the bathroom?”. You can face him for another year. YOU can face him forever because you did not perpetrate the crime. You did not peek on an innocent pooper. You are the VICTIM of a scatological violation. You deserve that promotion. Go show that creeper whose boss.

Bumps

Send your questions to Askabumps@gmail.com

Past Askabumps

I have a few Guilty Pleasures when It comes to watching TV. Everyone looks at me weird when I tell them that I’m totally gay for the Gillmore Girls. I DVR everyshow that is aired and usually end up laughing out loud really hard.

A few other shows I enjoy watching are Hanna Montana on Disney Chanel and Girlfriends on UPN. They are both a favorite in my house.

What is your TV guilty pleasure’s?

A friend of mine at the Obey HQ sent this over to me, if your thinking about going you should try to go Friday. Most taggers, wannabe rebels and “fashion” dudes either A) Don’t get up before 11am. B) Are still in High School at this time. or C) Are working stiffs.

I have gone the last few sales and usually have found something that I have added to my wardrobe. Also, if you want your house to match your clothes then head over to The Marry Karnowsky Gallery for the Imperfect Union show. Once there you will find new work by Shepard Fairey.

Click to enlarge

Opening Reception: Saturday Dec 1st 8-11pm