With all his do gooding and gold toting charm, I think he is a good candidate for The Whateves Messiah. 

Here’s the thing about the south… You get invited to tons of suburban events which always leave me having some sort of “fish out of water experience”… The other night the wife says “We’re going to a cookout with some friends of the neighbors”. I like the couple that invited us. They’re good people. He works in IT, likes to drink a few beers, and went to a SEC school and is just a really nice guy. She’s just a nice girl, used to work at a bank, they have 2 kids. No big story here. The friends… Oh that’s the fun part…
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Dear Ask A Bumps:
I wanted to try out this new restaurant in silver lake called Andiamos. Have you been? should I go?

Madex

Dear Madex:

Do you like to dine for 2 hours for no good reason? Do you like an employee to customer ratio of 2 to 1? Do you like to not be able to tell whether the person pouring your water is homeless or your waiter? Bottom line, the pizza is pretty good. Not the best in the neighborhood but pretty good. Good enough to go back. But I saw things there that have scarred my retinas for life. Waiter who would not take off his man purse opening a beer for a customer with a lighter. Skirt tits. Kids making robot noises and running into the kitchen. A pregnant Santino Rice and enough confusing pathological behavior to start its own cult. I’m not saying don’t go, I’m just saying don’t go unless you have a sense of humor and two hours to basically do nothing but marvel at human atrocity.

Sincerely,

Ask A bumps

Dear Bumps,

I have a question which has been nagging me and it seems when I ask my
fellow wipers they are divided as to the correct procedure. When
putting a new roll of toilet paper on the roller what is the proper
way to place it? Should it be ‘up and over’ or ‘down and under’? I
prefer ‘up and over’ and feel this is the correct way to place toilet
paper on the roll as it makes it an easier process for tearing off the
paper. Please shed some light on this subject for me.

Most Sincerely,
A Concerned Wiper
(aka ‘the real simon’)

Dear concerned wiper, simon:

Askabumps@gmail.com has always been of the opinion that over and up is the way to go and here is why: triangular folding. Yes, I like to pretend I live in a hotel so I fold the most recently freed end of toilet paper into a point. This is impossible to do with filthy, filthy down and under. Since concerned wiper’s house is as cool as living in a hotel, I would recommend up and over with the hotel fold. I will be over this weekend to inspect that you are doing this correctly.
Sincerely
Ask A Bumps

In case you haven’t been paying attention to my Chow posts you can catch up with the Original and with the Update Part 1.

So after a few days of going back and forth with the Long Beach City Animal Control and a few Chow Rescue groups we FINALLY have the Chow dog in our custody! My wife and I along with her family plan on being “foster parents” to the dog until we can find a loving home for him.

In order to get him out he needed some shots and be neutered, hence the cone on his head above. The vet said he weighs about 30 lbs and is about 2 years old.

Like I said before he seems really sweet and he fell asleep in the car and knows some simple commands. That is about all I can tell you now, I will post more this weekend after I spend more time with him. Also, I will post more pictures!

If anyone is interested… you know the drill.
If your Interested please reply to this post below. Be sure to include your email address in the email field (your email will not be shown to the public).

I have never really like the Dorito’s eating fat head Jay Leno, but now I am excited that other people dislike his easy does it humor. The lame talk show host did a weak “gayest face” joke at Ryan Phillipe’s expense and it sparked its own website of backlash.

Check it out, Mygayestlook.com

ASKABUMPS has been on hiatus but now I am back and ready to tell you how to fix your problems.

Your problems…let me show you them

askabumps@gmail.com = queries go here

I’ll admit, I’m really excited they are giving X-files a big screen sequel.

I’ll be making my famous Vegan Cookies for Opening night,  anyone who used to watch with me 10 years ago will know the Cookies are good stuff, Whateves nerds must unite to go see this movie. There is a bootleg trailer out in the internet world, but I don’t want to link to it. It looks pretty fun, gone are the aliens and the bees, but it looks like a fun time.

Everyone in the world trying to do something cool and trendy, just stop. Otherwise we get ideas like this. You and a bunch of other fucks strapped into chairs, along with some poor schleps that serve your some food while you’re suspended from a damn crane.
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The Real Quadruped Robot (watch first)

The Better Quadruped Robot (watch second)

The tree stumps!The swing set! I laughed my ass off!

Like most cult classics, they were a miss at the Cineaplex. Suits get scared of something new and dare I say slow. I feel that is why this film got no love when it came to advertising. But fresh on the rental block is Southland Tales directed by Donnie Darko Director Richard Kelly. This futuristic apocalyptic satire about our current election takes place in 2008 (Scientist say that the future is going to be far more futuristic then they originally predicted) on the 4th of July in Los Angeles CA. The casting in this film is a who was who in SNL history books with the likes of Cheri Oteri, Jon Lovitz, Nora Dunn and a who is who Amy Poehler along with a fun cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1/2 of dudes where my car and WWF’s The ROCK and Mandy Moore and Justin Timberlake tossed in for no good reason. The poster says that Janeane Garofalo is in it, she is, for one second dancing, she must had been cut out of the director’s cut. This isn’t a grip your seat action flick, it isn’t a blockbuster save the world movie, it isn’t everything you want a movie to be, it is a big budget Art Piece about the time warp that breaks the 4th dimension and brings the world to and end with a Bang. Pimps don’t commit suicide, and this movie proves that Richard Kelly is a pimp in his own respect cause he is getting movies made in Hollywood on his terms. Good or not, they are his, his original master plan. I really enjoyed the film, the actors chosen for the roles were perfect. You never once forget you were watching a film he messed a lot with the medium, you are always aware of the sleigh humor and the political satire of the the film is as ridiculous as our current election. I know that people will dislike this film, but I was entertained and enjoyed it. Worth checking out.

Trailer

Film Website

4 Madex’s out of 5

Today I was asked to join a Dodge Ball League.

I accepted, paid my dues, and then fell on the floor laughing when I found my team name.

PROM NIGHT DUMPSTER BABIES!!!!!!!!!

I’ll keep you all abreast of the standings, the season starts April 7th in Silverlake.

And yes that Mr T. comic is our logo.

Not in a Harper Lee way, in a fucking dead way. There is one that sits outside my bedroom all night and screams like a 90’s standard car alarm.(whooooop, ezh ezh ehz, weee wooo wee wooo) It doesn’t even wait till sunrise, it just toots its horn all goddamn night. I’m a vegetarian, but I am ready to burn this bird on a steak. There is a fake owl out there, it just screams in it’s face, there is also a 18 inch Godzilla on the roof, it just takes dumps on its head. Does anyone have any suggestions, I haven’t slept this week.

skullphone posters are pretty common place around major cities, especially here in LA. but recently the street artist responsible for the skullphone phenomena has taken it 21st century. some how he managed to jack in the the clear channel digital billboard system hijacking 10 billboards around LA. this is a pretty awesome display of digital pranks and subverting culture and advertising read more about it and see more pictures here

via http://www.supertouchblog.com
skullphone

update
looks like wired is reporting that the bill boards were paid for not hacked. the plot thickens.
link
thanks dylan

stealing i guess
now im not going to get all up on a high horse today. i (we/whateves.com) steal images all the time its a fact of the internet. this blog (whateves.com) is filled with them. however, i personally try to at lest jack them and host them myself (on our server) for two reasons. 1) its just polite. if you are going to steal an image at least don’t leach bandwidth. 2) you never know if the person hosting it is going to remove/change that image. so i guess its not as much about doing it as it is about getting caught. case in point. stuff white people like dot com. a site we have even posted about before has been leaching bandwidth. i was going through out logs and found an amazing amount of traffic coming from that site. some webmasters change their images to such great hits as goatse, tubgirl, or lemon party as retaliation (if you don’t know those just look those up yourself) but i decided to just leave theme a little message.

digital pranks are fun. lets see how long it stays up
link