With all his do gooding and gold toting charm, I think he is a good candidate for The Whateves Messiah. 

Here’s the thing about the south… You get invited to tons of suburban events which always leave me having some sort of “fish out of water experience”… The other night the wife says “We’re going to a cookout with some friends of the neighbors”. I like the couple that invited us. They’re good people. He works in IT, likes to drink a few beers, and went to a SEC school and is just a really nice guy. She’s just a nice girl, used to work at a bank, they have 2 kids. No big story here. The friends… Oh that’s the fun part…
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Dear Ask A Bumps:
I wanted to try out this new restaurant in silver lake called Andiamos. Have you been? should I go?

Madex

Dear Madex:

Do you like to dine for 2 hours for no good reason? Do you like an employee to customer ratio of 2 to 1? Do you like to not be able to tell whether the person pouring your water is homeless or your waiter? Bottom line, the pizza is pretty good. Not the best in the neighborhood but pretty good. Good enough to go back. But I saw things there that have scarred my retinas for life. Waiter who would not take off his man purse opening a beer for a customer with a lighter. Skirt tits. Kids making robot noises and running into the kitchen. A pregnant Santino Rice and enough confusing pathological behavior to start its own cult. I’m not saying don’t go, I’m just saying don’t go unless you have a sense of humor and two hours to basically do nothing but marvel at human atrocity.

Sincerely,

Ask A bumps

Dear Bumps,

I have a question which has been nagging me and it seems when I ask my
fellow wipers they are divided as to the correct procedure. When
putting a new roll of toilet paper on the roller what is the proper
way to place it? Should it be ‘up and over’ or ‘down and under’? I
prefer ‘up and over’ and feel this is the correct way to place toilet
paper on the roll as it makes it an easier process for tearing off the
paper. Please shed some light on this subject for me.

Most Sincerely,
A Concerned Wiper
(aka ‘the real simon’)

Dear concerned wiper, simon:

Askabumps@gmail.com has always been of the opinion that over and up is the way to go and here is why: triangular folding. Yes, I like to pretend I live in a hotel so I fold the most recently freed end of toilet paper into a point. This is impossible to do with filthy, filthy down and under. Since concerned wiper’s house is as cool as living in a hotel, I would recommend up and over with the hotel fold. I will be over this weekend to inspect that you are doing this correctly.
Sincerely
Ask A Bumps