My Extreme Turtle
I have two turtles, that have grown since you last saw them, they are about the side of a fist. Sadly, they are like step children to me, they were obtained with in a relationship that has since ended and they reminded me of it too much so I relocated them outside, on my back porch. They love it outside, basking in the sun, they are much more active then when they were in the house. Maybe too active. I got a call from the Badger who lives in my garage, Chris Badger to be exact. He called me freaking out about one of the turtles. Apparently, one of them got out of the tank somehow and was on the railing of my back steps basking in that sun they love so much. I live on a hillside, and on the second story, so the drop is pretty far. Chris went to grab the turtle and the turtle said, “fuck you” and jumped off the railing and fell two stories, hit the cement and tumbled down into my backyard past my fire pit in the backyard. This fall would kill any human, let alone a turtle. I was at work when I received the call, I was panic’d and quickly looked up turtle drop on the internets. It calmed me to read that birds often take turtles high into the air and drop them to break open their shells, but to no avail, the turtles most often survive the impact. Chris got the turtle and put him back in the tank and moved the rocks that enabled him to get out in the first place. The turtles have gotten so big that their toys had become stairs.
Not a scratch on the turtle, you’d never know he jumped off the back stairs. He didn’t even act shocked, he’s a total adrenaline junky. Turtles live past 100 years, its weird to think I have to include them in a will someday.
I know there are a few whateves family members with turtles, so I’m just letting you know, turtles do bounce.
First, i would like to say that the unluckiness of this event has been duely noted for future editions of a certain biographical book. thank you for providing all of the material Madex, as unbelieveable as it
Francois has unsucessfully attempted this. I had to move his floaty island. I have to be careful to preserve the life of my disgruntled french turtle. If he lives for 30 years, i get a pony. Yeah, I’ll be old, but I’ll have a pony that you can all ride.
this is how eagles do it (not for the faint of heart) however at around 5:20 there is some crazy shit
golden eagle throws a goat of a cliff
old? you will only be 58 and those my friend are the prime pony riding years. I will buy us all little red cowboy hats and put them away with our motley crue sun visors (yes, I still have them and are keeping them safe) to take them out when the time is right.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I HAVE A NEW FEAR. FUCK THE GOLDEN EAGLE, I WILL NEVER HIKE NEAR A CLIFF AGAIN. Too bad that goat was dead, he didn’t get to experience the coolest flight of his life.
[...] Last time I talked about my turtles it was about their new found extreme behavior of base jumping off my back stairs. [...]