101 Reasons Why Florida Sucks: Reason 004 – Wizardry
Its no secret that ol’ Slade Hayes has a Florida birth certificate, a Florida high school diploma and 2 degrees from Florida Universities… Needless to say, the 101 reasons are both the catalyst of why I left, and why its so sad when I come back and visit. I can easily go ahead and write out the remaining 97 reasons of why Florida sucks, but its easier and more fun when the locals do it for me: A substitute teacher got fired for Wizardry.Alright, full disclosure here… This guy was fired from a job in what is the most ass-backwards county on the west coast of Florida. I grew up just south of Pasco county, in Clearwater (which is really nice, because its owned by 2 groups: old people and Scientoligists, but that’s for another day). I know you’re all saying “Aren’t they all ass-backwards, I mean, its Florida, right?” True, this is a state that has produced cannon fodder for the rest of the country for decades, but Pasco county has a special place in how worthless people can make a decent stretch of land. Much like you know when you go from LA county to Orange county, its like that with Pasco, but in the opposite.
Take the stretch of the 5 south in Southern California where Camp Pendelton is, make it flat, and then empty out a 50,000 dump trucks full of broken down cars, strip malls, mobile home parks, cheaply built master planned communities and you have Pasco county. So imagine my surprise when I read that some guy performs a magic trick
- hold on -
WHO THE HELL PERFORMS MAGIC FOR A CLASS OF MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS WHILE TEACHING CLASS? You’re not David Blane! You’re not even a street hustler doing 3 card monty. You’re a damn teacher. You teach, you don’t make a toothpick disappear as a lesson for the children to learn from. You get out a beaker, some chemicals and make something for them and then show them how it can be used to make Crystal Meth. That’s what a subsititue teacher in Pasco County does.
- back to the original thought -
So yeah, Pasco county… if anyone wants to take a cheap vacation, smoke some Malrboro reds on the beach, get drunk on some Milwaukee’s Best or Steel Reserve, crash a few old Datsuns, eat fried fish and then go check out some community college girls dancing around naked, hit me up. My brother in law has a house up there, we an make a weekend out of it.
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LOL haha I just peed a little from laughing!
I thought he had shown his wizards staff he dropped in the toilet.
I didn’t know that Land O’ Lakes was a real place.