When I was in SoCal, there were all these union members that would just sit out in front of a new building each week and protest the “UNFAIR PRACTICES” that the big faceless corporate entity behind them was doing to them. They just stood there. You know what works instead of holding up a sign? Using a tree to nail it to, or better yet, a sign post, or a stolen sign post, so you can REALLY stick it to the man. I used to always pass them and think “Jeez, that’s stupid, the company should really get a hose and chase them away”. But then it occured to me: these people didn’t want to change anything, they just wanted to be a pain in the ass.

Today I had enough.  I was driving home from an appointment this morning when I zoomed past some anti-abortion protesters. This isn’t a post about abortion. That’s a loaded argument if there ever was one. You should be able to do whatever you want with your body, my beliefs, your beliefs or Jeff’s beliefs aside. Its you. You can do whatever, as long as you can pick up the pieces or clean up the mess when you’re done.

I saw these idiots on the way TO my appointent, and on the way back, I got pissed, and did a 180 at the next light and zoomed up to them. The little Civic Si flew up to them in a whirl of squealing tires and noise. I rolled down the window and screamed “Look, I go to church. I met my wife at bible study. I have 2 little girls and I can’t believe that you’re remotely think that what you’re doing is at all effective. You’re an EMBARRASMENT!”

Again, its not about religion in this case. Its about doing something productive with your time.
So there was one guy with a hideous sign, some guy made up to look like a priest, and 2 other clowns reading the bible (Not that reading the bible is being a clown, but if you’re gonna protest, protest. Don’t just stand around reading, that’s what the library or church is for) and they looked at me like I had taken a pee in their oatmeal. They were shocked. They didn’t have the argument for what I was saying. “Oh, for every 1 child we save, there’s 10 that we don’t!” “Really?” I said? “What about the thousands of kids that are already born that can’t read, that don’t have enough to eat, that are being abused, and who are not going to be a beneficial part of society? Are you macabre signs helping them? No. I didn’t think so.” Then the old guy (missing teeth) stammers to my car with some propaganda, offering it to me. “I don’t want your propaganda, I don’t care. There are people that actually need your time and help, not you holding some stupid sign pretending to care. You’re being outrageous, and are only doing this for the shock factor. Go contribute something to the community instead of making people feel awakward and looking like an idiot.”

If you have a problem with something, take action. Don’t talk about it, go knock some shit over. If you are that desperate to make a fool out of yourself, sign up for The Real World, or Big Brother. If some giant dude in a tiny black hatchback confronts you HAVE A FUCKING ARGUMENT THAT IS EDUCATED AND CONCISE. Don’t ramble on, and hand me some pathetic looking, crinkled up piece of paper that you photocopied so many times at Kinko’s it looks like it has been printed on old asphalt. At least have it typeset with a current and modern font. I suggest Frutiger. Don’t rely on the shock factor, sob stories or anything like that. For all you know, I was born on a ranch in Oklahoma and used to clean up after pigs, so I am not shocked by much anymore. But more than anything, if you want to help people, walk outside and find someone who needs help, and HELP THEM. If you want to feign being concerned, then go do it somewhere else. I got real shit to deal with, like building this website for these people, so they can book more weddings…

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