Goin’ On A 1st Date? Take ‘em to the Death Museum!
So I had a first date this weekend and decided that the perfect place to take him would be the ‘Psychiatry: An Industry of Death’ Museum on Sunset Blvd that is run by the Citizens Commission On Human Rights aka The Church of Scientology as I could think of no better way to test the endurance of a prospective mate.
After brunch and a stop at Amoeba Records he was game for a visit to the Death Museum. Upon entering I knew immediatly we were in the Scientology zone…the woman who greeted us was clearly one of their gobots in a ‘I’ve been programmed” kind of way. She cheerily showed us through a giant prison like door with a quote from Dante, “Abandon all hope, you who enter here, etc” above it which she made sure we read before entering (see photo below). The room was a small padded cell which doubled as a screening room and we were sat less than 6 feet from the screen. A film began with rapid violent images, soundbites and victims of psychiatry in a violent editing blur. I felt as if I was in A Clockwork Orange strapped to my seat with my eyes forced open.
After four horrifying minutes the film ended and we dazedily continued the tour. For the sake of our mental state we opted to skip the other films throughout the museum and opted instead to just stare in bewilderment or look away in disgust from a wide aray of torture devices used throughout history to mostly torture the dick or va-jay-jay. Again, great date spot.
The worst though was turning a corner and seeing a cabinet chock full of various human heads in various states, in jars and out of jars, chopped in half or all whole, shrunken or life-size but all of them looking right at us with tortured expressions! I quickly bolted away only to run into a gruesome photo display of tortured humans. After that we quickly left as fast as possible shrugging off the Scientology gobots who asked to fill out a survey and seemed happy that we were revolted by their museum.
The door you go through to enter
So later that day my date sent me a note asking me out again as long as I never take him to that museum again. He also inquired if I took him there to check to see if he was into S&M. Ha! So yes, you should take your loved one’s or tentaive suitors to the ‘Psychiatry: An Industry of Death’ Museum. What a perfect date locale!
