Who Will Buy The King Of Pop’s Memories?

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on February 10th, 2009 @ 2:47 pm

The Collection of Michael Jackason is up for grabs! The Gates Of Neverland Ranch Could Be Ours! Our childhood memories of the King of Pop thankfully do not include sleepovers at Neverland Ranch but do include whimsical remembrances of moonwalks, sequined gloves, crotch grabbin’ dances, light up sidewalks, monkeys, llamas and hair on fire commericals.

Now an array of treasures from Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch ranging from Michael Jackson’s iconic white-jeweled glove to the grandiose entry gates to Neverland Ranch are up for sale in an auction boasting more than 2,000 items.

The Beverly Hilton is hosting a public viewing April 14th through Monday April 20th. We all can see in person Wacko Jacko’s artifacts of living and then April 21st through April 25th we can bid on them. I want those Gates of Neverland to protect us from the outside world for a future compound that will be. What would you most treasure from Michael’s personal collection?

P.S. The Michael Jackson Boxed Catalog Set, a steal at only $100, would be a great birthday present for me. I’m just sayin’

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I Dig LA, Part 1: Disneyland Tour of Downtown Los Angeles

Posted by therealsimon in Loving LA, whateves on February 2nd, 2009 @ 12:32 am

I saw this video tour and it reminded me of the many reasons why I Dig LA. Histo-tainer Charles Phoenix does a rockin’ Disneyland Tour of Downtown Los Angeles. Makes me wanna explore the downtown area even more. Now I’ve been to pretty much everything and everplace he shows on this tour but it makes me wanna go and explore them again. Charles thinks that LA’s downtown is the most misunderstood downtown in the entire world!

On his tour Charles compares every part of the tour to the various aspects, sections and spirit of Disneyland. What could be better!

Watch Now…

Los Angeles Downtown Tour

All I want For XMAS: TheRealSimon

Posted by therealsimon in All I want for Christmas, tv, whateves on December 17th, 2008 @ 3:44 pm

I have two major things on my list for Xmas Gifts.

The first is the “Thank You For Being A Friend Necklace”. Why you ask? Well Isn’t it obvious? This is a gem of a find and it’s only $20 to wear your four favorite friends around your neck and close to your heart. This would look great when combined with a turtleneck and holiday sweater combo. Amazing!

goldengirlsnecklace3

The next thing on my Gift List is Grace Jones in chocolate! Fuck yeah! What more could make me feel in the Holiday spirit and the feeling that I have arrived than gnawing on the head of Grace Jones and tasting her chocolate sweetness! I’ll be a slave to her rhythm in no time.

gracejones

Betty Page…The Sex Kitten, Jesus Lover and Crazy Schizophrenic Is Dead

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on December 12th, 2008 @ 12:11 pm

betty-page

Betty Page died Thursday, December 11th. She was 85.

There have been many imitators but there really was ever only one Betty Page.

In October 1950 Betty was just another secretary in just another New York office who took a break from work one day for a stroll along the beach of Coney Island. The legend goes that she caught the eye of an amateur photographer who dug her body and her look and asked if she might pose for him. She was 27 and a brand new career away from the typewriter and in front of lens was about to begin.

If Marilyn Monroe was the girl-next-door pin-up girl then Betty was the dirty-secret-next-door pin-up queen. Her photographs from the 50’s in skimpy attire or baring it all were bold and unheard of at the time but she went even further with her controversial photos that fully embraced S&M during a period where sex was barely even talked about in the bedroom let alone anywhere else. Her images are timeless no matter what the pose, the attire or lack thereof, no matter the scene, the props, or the positions, they are always of the one and only Betty Page.

In 1957 Betty decided to leave the public eye as she was being hounded by federal agents, denounced by moralists and the reason for a congressional investigation launched in her home state of Tennessee. It was time to leave while the getting was good. Betty also believed that, at age 34, her days as “the girl with the perfect figure” were nearly over.

Never to be publicly photographed again Betty moved to Florida in 1957 and married a younger man. An earlier marriage to her high school sweetheart ended in divorce. Her second marriage also failed, as well as a third and she suffered a nervous breakdown. In 1959, lying on the beach in Key West she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian, or so the legend goes, and worked for evangelist Billy Graham’s ministry. In 1979 she moved to Southern California and was soon arrested after going off on her landlady, while under arrest she was examined by doctors who determined she had acute schizophrenia. She then spent 20 months in a San Bernardino state mental hospital. Another fight with another landlord resulted in another arrest where she was found not guilty due to insanity. She was a scrappy schizophrenic. Betty was placed under state supervision for eight years.

Betty resurfaced in the 1990s, and while occasionally granting interviews she always refused to let her picture be taken. “I don’t want to be photographed in my old age,” she told an interviewer in 1998. “I feel the same way with old movie stars. … It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young.” She also claims she was unaware of the cult of fame that had grown around her in the time since she had left the public scene.

“She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality,” her agent, Mark Roesler said. “She is the embodiment of beauty.” Betty attracted national attention for her ahead of their times for sexuality photos. One of the first centerfolds in the then new Playboy her photos, ranging from her playful poses to her bold sadomasochistic poses, were tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

“I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society,” Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. “She was a very dear person.”

A friend of Betty’s said, “She had a temper to her.” I picture Betty Page as a bold, free spirit, who was a spit-fire, did what she wanted in life and never did anything half assed. It was all or nothing. When posing for photographs she pushed the boundaries, when getting married she went for it three times, when discovering Jesus she dove right in and when going crazy she went all the way. This is a woman who left the limelight while she still was young, never looked back and never was photographed publicly again. I wish more stars would follow this path, Madonna please take note.

Betty page is an icon of the 21st century. She is hailed as a pioneer of women’s liberation and the subject of songs, biographies, websites, comic books, movies and documentaries.

Page was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness.

R.I.P Betty Page, 1923-2008

Make Your Own WhatNot Muppet Puppet!

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on November 20th, 2008 @ 11:45 am

Yes my fellow whatevers we can now design our very own Muppet puppet for only $130! You can pick the Muppet’s body color, eyes, nose, hair, and outfit. Each one is custom made and just like the real thing they are hand and rod puppets, standing 16 inches tall. You design it and they build it. This is rad. I need one! We all need one. Merry Xmas!

What If PSA’s Went Too Far

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on November 18th, 2008 @ 11:40 am

Too late they already have…definitely not safe for stomachs.

Commercial 1

Commercial 2

edit (ktlau)________________

these are old but when you talk about going too far give these canadian p.s.a’s about accidents a look

this one made mad ex jump

view all 5 spots

A Gay Republican Wants Me?!

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on October 29th, 2008 @ 2:49 pm

Back story…a year ago a guy contacted me on Facebook expressing interest …he was a good looking, educated, world traveler…good so far…but I soon discovered he was also a hardcore Republican. I will call him GayRep. I told GayRep upfront that we were no match. We went back and forth via email but he only made me more angry. Periodically GayRep messaged me on Facebook baiting me with his retarded viewpoints. Oh and GayRep also works overseas but his home base is in LA. GayRep is coming back in December and repeatedly asked for a date upon his return. Ha! I hadn’t responded in awhile and then last night I received this email describing our proposed first date with a break down on ‘make-out’ scenarios depending on the voting results for the Election and the Vote on 8.

Without saying anything more I will let GayRep words do the talking…

email: 10/29/2008 8:00am

looking forward to coming home:

1) it’s crazy here (country deleted), so tired of my work, looking forward to just chilling in LA

2) isn’t “eliminate hate” entirely subjective especially given… Article. The work to read obviously being Animal farm- but also, perhaps more spectacularly the Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn…indeed the only societies that tried to outlaw “hate” did quite a bit of their own.

3) Will you buy me dinner if McCain wins- or will you be entirely too depressed to even meet me.

There are a couple of combinations, from hot to cold of our meeting, I gather:

a) Obama wins, Prop 8 is defeated: You will be entirely happy to meet me- although tres smug, but since you’ve been entirely victorious on the field of battle you’ll be more than curious to make out with a young (or at 30 maybe not so young) Republican……indeed, it will be something to tell your friends, “Hey since Obama won et al, making out with a dispirited young republican ain’t so bad) …see fat girl sex.

b) Obama wins, Prop 8 wins: You will be somewhat happy to meet me, although you will lecture me about how awful the Catholics and Mormons are…. making out here still pretty sure, although less intense and joyful on your part….lots of between tongue “I can’t believe you actually believe that shit!”

c) Obama loses, Prop 8 is defeated: No lecture on Catholics and Mormons, yes lecture on how racist America is…. still some tongue, “At least in this fucking racist country two guys can still get it on and I’m going to work your republican ass, legally!”

d) the worst! from your perspective. Obama loses, Prop 8 wins: I’m assuming here, we don’t even meet. “fuck you and I don’t mean by me” end of email

I’m speechless. I’m tempted to just respond with an email that says ‘unsubscribe.”

* Names and places have been changed to protect the mentally disabled.

DOLEMITE IS DEAD!

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on October 22nd, 2008 @ 5:55 pm

Rudy Ray Moore, the self-proclaimed “Godfather of Rap,” was a comedian, musician, singer, film actor and film producer who was known as Dolemite, the uniquely articulate pimp from the 1975 film Dolemite, and its sequel, The Human Tornado.

R.I.P Rudy Ray “Dolemite” Moore 1927-2008

“Without Rudy Ray Moore, there would be no Snoop Dogg, and that’s for real,” Snoop Dogg

Dolemite Quotes:

“I’m gonna let ‘em know that Dolemite is my name, and fuckin’ up motha fuckas is my game!”

“Bitch, you bring me these goddamn cotton draws… you know I don’t wear no fuckin’ cotton draws!”

“Man, move over and let me pass ‘fore they have be to pullin’ these Hush Puppies out your mothafuckin’ ass!”

“When I see a ghost, I cut the mutha fucka.”

The Gay Hanky Code

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on October 7th, 2008 @ 2:19 pm

Some whateves peeps have wondered what the various colored hanky’s in gay mens back pockets stand for some others may wonder what the hell the hanky code even is?

In the pre-aids 1970’s the hanky code was widely used by gay men to let other men know what they were into sex wise (and it gets very specific). You could find out what your potential sex partner was into before even talking to them. Nowadays we have Craigslist for that. For instance if you wear a magenta colored hanky in your left back pocket it meant you wanted someone to ’suck your pits’ but if you wore it in your right back pocket it meant you were an ‘armpit freak’ who wanted to suck someone else’s pits. Get it?

Some gay men still sport hanky’s in their back pockets and now you can discover what their into or maybe start sporting one of your own. Just make sure you get the color shade right so you don’t get mistaken for a ‘tit torturee’ when you really have a ‘navel fetish’. More fun and Hanky 411 can be found on the Gay Hanky Codes Chart (this was spotted by my peep MikeMoves).

Old McDonald’s Burger…Mmm Mmmm Tasty!

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on September 30th, 2008 @ 2:54 pm

Wellness educator and nutrition consultant Karen Hanrahan has kept a McDonald’s hamburger since 1996 to illustrate its nonexistent ability to decay. Aside from drying out a bit and having “the oddest smell,” it apparently hasn’t changed much in the past 12 years.

On the left is a 12yr old burger (1996) and on the right is a burger from 2008.
They both look edible. So nasty what we eat.

Pray For Sarah Palin

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on September 29th, 2008 @ 11:27 am

Apparently there is a spiritual battle waging over the United States of America and the folks at Praying For Palin want people praying in every zip code in the U.S.A. to help win this battle. Currently the zip code prayers are seriously lacking on the western part of the U.S. on their prayer coverage map. Let’s keep it that way. I pray she falls flat in her face at this weeks debate! Amen!

The Woman Behind Miss Piggy!!

Posted by therealsimon in art, whateves on September 26th, 2008 @ 2:00 pm

An interview with, Bonnie Erickson, the woman who created Miss Piggy, Zoot, Statler and Waldorf and more!

I had no idea Miss Piggy was originally called Miss Piggy Lee in tribute to the singer Peggy Lee but was changed as Miss Piggy became popular b/c no one wanted to offend Peggy Lee! Ahh ha!!

Next Up, Mind Reading

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on September 25th, 2008 @ 2:23 pm

We Are Screwed…

Airport security in America is turning Orwellian. Homeland Security is testing a new generation of security screening – one that can read your mind. Malintent has a series of sensors and imagers that read your body temperature, heart rate and respiration for unconscious tells invisible to the naked eye. Security chiefs say this will help them find the signals terrorists and criminals may display in advance of an attack. Those of you
scared of flying, or trying to smuggle a tiny bit of weed in your wallet, give up now or prepare for life in Guantanemo. The man behind the new system says his goal is to “restore a sense of freedom.”

this just made me drool…

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on September 11th, 2008 @ 3:13 pm

I miss the old rotary phones. Sure it’s a slower way to dial but sometimes its good to take your time.
See this in action.

Burglar Victims Wake To Spice Rub, Sausage Attack!

Posted by therealsimon in whateves on September 10th, 2008 @ 5:03 pm

A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food seasoning
over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an
8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running
out of the house, Fresno County sheriff’s deputies said Saturday. MORE

This is one burglar I’ve got to meet. He’d be fun at a bbq trying to season people
and hit them with meat!

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